OH SHIT!

5 Surprising Symptoms of Infidelity
Posted Thu, Nov 29, 2007, 9:41 am PST
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Post a Comment View All 353 Comments Everybody thinks they can spot a cheater a mile away. Adulterers, after all, have the same characteristics, right? Wandering eyes, secret cell phones, last name Sheen. If only it were that easy.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where people fall out of their fidelity flight patterns and take off on their own different courses all the time, even though we desperately want to believe that our partners won't be unfaithful. That's why it's important to know some of the traits and sneaky signals that are common in people who tend to be unfaithful in the relationships.

Now, I'm not suggesting you automatically end your relationship if your partner falls into one of these categories, but I do think that these are some signs you should be aware of - so you can be on the lookout for warnings of wandering.

Cheating Sign #1: He Doesn't Pay His Bills On Time

Some research shows that unreliability and carelessness is part of a personality trait called "low consciousness," which is a marker for infidelity. Makes sense. A guy who's careless about his own responsibilities is going to be just as careless about his relationships.

Cheating Sign #2: He's A Do-Gooder

What? Your guy contributes to the local orchestra fund, the church, and the alumni association, plus he volunteers to build houses for the homeless. How could a guy like that give into the temptation of midnight motel rooms?

A study just published in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology found that when there's a blurry line between right and wrong (as there often is with matters of infidelity), the people who become the worst cheaters are actually the ones who think of themselves as having the highest moral standards.

Why? The speculation is that these people can justify their wrongdoings with explanations that they weren't doing anything wrong at all. Simply put, not following the Monogamy Rules (a faithfully popular Men's Health story) makes it hard for the Do-Gooder to live in his skin.

Cheating Sign #3: He's Rolling In The Dough

A study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that those people who earned more money were more likely to cheat than those who earned less. It's not because they have more income to open new credit cards, carry more cash, or spend more coin on mistress gifts. Some researchers theorize that those with lower salaries - and thus those who are more dependent on others in a relationship - are less likely to risk ruining the relationship.

Cheating Sign #4: He's A Yeller

While yelling and anger may not seem to be all that connected to cheating, a recent Australian study found that unfaithful partners show many of the same personality characteristics as abusive ones. Those who are more likely to be abusive (verbally or physically) are simply more likely to be unfaithful. What's already bad has the potential of getting even worse.

Cheating Sign #5: He's A Mirror Hog

Some research has shown that the single biggest trait of cheaters is-surprise, surprise-narcissism. These self-loving folks are so wrapped up in their own self-importance that they don't even consider the effect that cheating has on the other person. So what if I stray and have the occasional one-nightstand? I deserve to be happy. Have you seen these guns, baby!

And, yes, this works both ways, as Men's Health explained in "6 Signs She's Ready to Stray." Perhaps all of this might leave the guys wishing they had read "The 50 Things She Wishes You Knew About Her."

Know other symptoms and signs of infidelity? Please add your thoughts to this important discussion

TOTALLY FUCKING EVIL (POPULATION CONTROL FOR THE PURPOSE OF WHITE SUPREMACY)

Military training program for teens expands in US
Dozens of teens dressed in uniforms provided by the US Marines stand at attention in the gym of a Chicago public high school as a drill sergeant goes through a list of the day's do's and don'ts.

Bring your books to class. Come for extra help if you need it. And wear your uniform with pride.

"Young men, you think you can get a haircut and say I'm done for two or three weeks. WRONG," Sgt. Major Thomas Smith Jr. intones.

"Young ladies. There's been no problem with your uniforms but there is a problem with your ties. Again, I will go through it again. Wear your ties when you come to my class."

One in 10 public high school students in Chicago wears a military uniform to school and takes classes -- including how to shoot a gun properly -- from retired veterans.

That number is expected to rise as junior military reserve programs expand across the country now that a congressional cap of 3,500 units has been lifted from the nearly century-old scheme.

Proponents of the junior reserve programs say they provide stability and a sense of purpose for troubled youth and help to instill values such as leadership and responsibility.

But opponents say the programs divert critical resources from crumbling public schools and lead to a militarization of US society.

"To call these young people child soldiers might be technically inaccurate, but it does reveal the truth of it," said Oscar Castro, a spokesman for the National Youth and Militarism Program, an advocacy group.

Military recruiters already have the right to give presentations in public schools and to access databases with the contact information of all public school students whose parents do not remove their children from the list.

But they don't have nearly the same impact as daily interaction with teachers and students in uniform, Castro said.

While military officials say the junior reserve programs are not used as recruiting tools, about 30 to 50 percent of cadets eventually enlist, according to congressional testimony by the chiefs of staff of the various armed services in February 2000.

This is particularly troubling given that the programs are concentrated in low-income and minority neighborhoods, said Sheena Gibbs, a spokeswoman for the Chicago branch of the American Friends Service Committee which lobbies against the programs.

"If you want to teach discipline and leadership then do it for everyone and don't make them wear (military) uniforms," Gibbs said. "Students (at regular schools) protest that they have to still share books but the military academy has laptops."

At Chicago's Marine Military Math and Science Academy, the first public Marine academy in the nation and the fifth military academy run by the city's school district, it's easy to see how signing up for service would be a logical post-graduation step.

The hallways are lined with prints depicting historic recruiting posters and great moments in military history, like the Battle of the Bulge. Teachers in uniform lead classes in military history, civics, health, and physical fitness.

"The purpose of our school is to send all of our students to post-secondary education," principal Paul Stroh told AFP.

"What's different about this school is we take the military model of discipline, structure and leadership and put it into a high school.

"All of our students wear a uniform and all of our students are expected to be accountable for their actions."

And every morning in formation, Sgt. Major Smith draws a line between the discipline and stability of the Marines and the chaos of the high-crime, low income neighborhood where most of the students live.

"My elementary school was out of control. Everybody just did whatever they wanted," said Mariah Coleman, 14.

"Here there's discipline, but there's freedom as well. Everybody just respects each other and we get respect from the teachers."

Standing with her hands clasped firmly behind her back, Coleman wrinkles her nose at the thought of enlisting and explains that she wants to be a mathematician. She enrolled in the Marine academy because she thought it would help her get into college.

She has four years until graduation.

wow.

ALL THE KISS ALBUMS UP TO AND INCLUDING (SAY IT WITH ME) 1982'S CREATURES OF THE NIGHT

Many years ago, Jason Josephes revieed all the KISS albums that matter. Jason we hardly knew ye! Anyway Jay isoff doing boring things, writing for amazon.com. Fuck him! This is his shining moment. I got Mystery Marv to provide some point counter point or count pointer count on the albums discussed. The opnion expressed are sole J and Marv’s. So all you Kiss Army people don’t write nasty notes to me. Anyway, I hope this will educate you on KISS and serve as an example to all future generations:

Kiss
Kiss
Rating: 8.0

The album that made it kosher for white guys to wear face paint, the debut album by Kiss, is loaded with one classic song after another: "Strutter," "Firehouse," "Nothing to Lose," "Kissing Time," and, of course, "Black Diamond" (which still has one of the most annoying endings of any good song). The remastering job on this disc is light years ahead of the original CD issue, and if you loved it back then, get ready to experience the hottest band in the world all over again. You get power chords, power ballads, and everything that was early '70s rock and roll on one shiny aluminum disc. Get it while it's hot!
-Jason Josephes

"Mystery" Marv Sez: Not as good as legend would have it. Wimpy. Empty. Simpy. Cold. Lukewarm. Ok, sounds like I hate it, I dont. Compare the good stuff on here to the white hot ALIVE! version and youll see what I mean. Still pretty great though. Amazing fucking rock songs.
***

Kiss
Hotter Than Hell
Rating: 5.3
You want the best and you got Hotter Than Hell. I feel your pain. This used to be my favorite Kiss album back in the day (read: when I was six). While time has been good to most of the early Kiss canon, this album sticks out like a sore thumb. Although remastered for re-release, Hotter Than Hell boasts some of the worst drum sounds on a hard rock album I've ever heard. Sounds like my boy Peter Criss discovered those octopads back in '74 and played them in a garbage can. Still, the title cut rocks like a motherfucker and there are still some worthy gems scattered throughout.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: WAY BETTER than that 1st album. Rockin and shockin you. All night and every other day. Hell is hot and its dark and to be hotter than hell is awful warm. Dont bring a sweater! Unless you wanna show off your jugs to jene.
***

Kiss
Dressed To Kill
Rating: 9.5

Now this is more like it! Rebounding from the juvenile remastering of Hotter Than Hell, the boys in Kiss and their trusty digital remixer Andy (or whatever his name is, hell if I know) get it right. Crisp and crunchy as a bowl of dry Rice Krispies, Dressed To Kill kicks with ten great tracks in just a little over half an hour's time. Probably the bluesiest of the early Kiss albums, Dressed To Kill starts off with the raucous "Room Service" and careens like a nonstop rock attack through the album's final cut, the quintessential '70s rock anthem "Rock and Roll All Nite." No frills, no duds, just Kiss in their prime.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marx Sez: Not the tite scrotum of Hitler In Hell. Real mannered, mild mannered. I wanna rock not eat dry turkey. Some of it rules though. Great album cover which automatically means its a KISS KLASSIK!
***

Kiss
Alive!
Rating: 10.0

"I've got posters on the wall
My favorite rock group Kiss
I've got Ace Frehley
I've got Peter Criss..."
--Weezer "In The Garage"

Man, who didn't like Kiss? Back in the mid-'70s when America was stuck inbetween Watergate and Star Wars, Kiss reminded us that there were still broads to be nailed, beer to be imbibed, and a good time to be had by all. Alive! is total sonic proof of Kiss climbing their apex and knocking off one of the all time great live albums.
You see, there actually was a time when live albums didn't get remixed and rerecorded, regardless of what the Talking Heads and Judas Priest will tell you. They gleefully fed on the crowd's gutteral roar, the occasional flub, and, of course, the eight minute drum solo. Alive! may seem like a joke, mainly because it contains every arena rock cliche in the book, right down to "Hello, Cleveland!" But how do you think the standard was set? This was the album that turned four guys in face paint from rock and roll musicians to superstars. When Kiss made their mid-'90s comeback, they pretty much just went out and played Alive!, and who could blame them? Great remastering job keeps it all in check ; in fact, before you listen to Alive!, you may want to head out to the Camaro, drink some Old Mil, spark a joint and make out with your girl.

Remember: there was a time some twenty years ago when Kiss did not suck, and Alive! gets it right.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: Yeah. It's Alive! Wait, thats a Ramones reference. Ummm, ok I can do this. It's a Real Live One! No, fuck thats Iron Maiden. Oh the hell with it ROCK AND TROLL AALL NIGHT AND PARTY EVERY DAY. There.
***

Kiss
Destroyer
Rating: 9.0
What a difference a producer makes. Bob Ezrin helmed the recording of this 1976 classic and ushered along even more of an art/ hard rock album than Kiss' previous efforts. Destroyer boasts plenty of sound effects, orchestras, and choirs that paved the way for other bands to rip them off for many years to come.
Leading off is the seminal rock anthem "Detroit Rock City" about some idiot who drives head on into a truck. From then on out, it's one classic after another: "King of the Night Time World," "God of Thunder", "Shout It Out Loud," and, of course, "Beth," the song that the girls dug (therefore the guys could dig it) and damn it all if Troy wasn't a lucky sumbitch to be dating a stacked 17- year- old drone named "Beth." He would lie her down on the back seat of the Dodge, pull her panties off with his teeth, and give her father reason to buy a gun. "Who's Troy?" you ask. Good question. Anyhow, Destroyer is easily one of the best albums in the Kiss canon. So there.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Puts The Z In Sez: Perfection. The Imperial Phase kicks the fuck in. There's not much more to add. Yeah. It's fucking Destroyer.
***
Kiss
Rock and Roll Over
Rating: 7.5

As with Hotter Than Hell, Rock and Roll Over was a former favorite that didn't blow me away as hard as I remembered. However, it's not terrible either. With songs like "Love 'Em and Leave 'Em," "Hard Luck Woman" and "Ladies Room," it has its moments.
Moving back to their rock roots (comparitively speaking to Destroyer), producer Eddie Kramer set up shop with Kiss in an empty New York theatre and soon enough, Rock and Roll Over spilled forth. The result is sonically punchier, if not just a bit lacking in complete vitality. (Listen to me, Ma! I'm waxing philosophical 'bout Kiss!)
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: Bullcrap. Raw, punched and fucked. This is KISS as fucking harsh tight no-wave. They fuck you then kill you. Tighter than Catholic Pussy. Rawer than Protestant Ass. The Imperial KISS phase marches forward stomping over you. Their platform heels stomping you into the mud. And you like Led Zep? Dumbfuck.
***

Kiss
Love Gun
Rating: 9.2

Yes, of course Love Gun. Why? I could make it long and boring, but it can easily be boiled down into a few reasons:
"Christine Sixteen" Probably the single best song Gene Simmons contributed to Kiss.
"Shock Me" Definitely the best thing Ace Frehley did with Kiss.
"Almost Human" Second place in the category of Best Simmons Tune.
"Tomorrow and Tonight" Bubblegum Kiss!
"I Stole Your Love" Of course.
And the rest of the album holds up pretty well, save for a Phil Spector cover that's tacked on at the end. Love Gun, sadly, became the studio zenith of recorded output, setting the stage for a slow but steady drop into the toilet.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Mraz Sez: Dude, doncha get it? This he KISSED me. You've been KISSED. Which means Genes giant tounge tossed your salad into a steak. Fuck yes! Anyway, this album finds KISS, our hereos at yet another impenetrable creative peak. Glorious. And look at those tits on the album cover! Cuz nothing is a better visual helper to fuck yeah rock n roll like nice hard cartoon nipples. This is the last true classic of their imperial pahse by the way. But they were by no means totally out of gas yet.
***
Kiss
Alive II
Rating: 7.0
Alive is a tough act to follow, and just sticking a "II" at the end of the same title doesn't insure a perfect successor to the throne. Alas, when you put out a concert album that features your biggest hit ("Beth") being mangled by a laryngitical cokehead, it's tough to grab the brass ring. No, not that everything on here is weak -- far from it. The first few songs ("Detroit Rock City" and "Ladies Room", to name a couple) capture Kiss at their best, and "Shout It Out Loud" is a perfect singalong finale. And the studio tracks tacked on the end? Well, a lot of people consider "Rocket Ride" one of the best Kiss songs. (I'm not one of those.) But the straight- faced, blatent Led Zeppelin ripoff "Larger Than Life" is pretty cool.
This just didn't grab me as hard as Alive did. Not a bad album, but definitely not essential.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv At It Again: Fucking hell, this was my first major KISS-perience! A total fucking blowout covering the IMPERIAL PHASE! The studio side may be the best side they ever did. Rocket Ride is totally like riding in a rocket, a rocket that totally fucking rules. A rocket that rocks. Alive II is just as good as th first one, you just have to be cool and fuck the couch. It feels good. The album. Dont compare, between Alive I & II, just fuck the couch and turn it up till your ears say NO MRE NO MORE.
***
Kiss
Double Platinum
Rating: 6.0

Double Platinum just might be the first major remix album. I'm not sure, to be honest, but if you can dig one up from before 1978, lemme know. Kicking off with a re-recording of Strutter (oh so cleverly retitled "Strutter '78," paving the way for Real Life's "Send Me an Angel '89") that proved Gene, Paul, Ace, and Peter came to disco. Hey, this was during the heydey of Saturday Night Fever; who could blame them for cashing in? It's amazing how much different a song sounds when you play sixteenths on the high hat. It's goodbye rock and "Hi, baby what's your sign?"
The rest of the songs are remixed (read: polished fiercely), or perhaps wedged together. (The intro to "Rock Bottom" is tacked onto the beginning of "She," and for what reason, I don't know.) "Black Diamond" gets its irritating, slow- down ending replaced with a repeat of the beginning and fade out. I think it's an improvement. The songs retain their glory for the most part, but lose their shine in favor of gloss.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: This is everything great about Kiss. Now this is it. I remember gettin my 'vette in '79. Double Platinum was the soundtrack. Totally had some good blow back then. Since my dad was on the force I could drive as fast as I want. Got and gave a lot of blowjobs. Double Platinum is perfection. Strutter '78 is going to be played at my funeral. I remember Brenda's ass. God it looked good. Double platinum is just like Brenda's ass. Or like that one Linda Ronstadt album cover. With the rollerskates. KISS was perfection. They created art objects. Theyre like the American Throbbing Gristle. This is possibly the grandest object. Snort coke, suck cocks, eat burgers, kill an arab, watch football, drink a beer. This is America. KISS is America.
***
Kiss
Gene Simmons
Rating: 5.0

When I was seven, I was Gene Simmons for Halloween, and with good reason. Gene was easily to coolest motherfucker in Kiss. The blood spitting. The tongue waggling. The fire breathing. The best makeup of the bunch. So why, pray tell, am I holding an album by the God of Thunder that has the most god awful rendition of "When You Wish Upon a Star?" (An album that was, at the time of its release, one of the most expensive albums ever produced.) I know, to you oldtimers, this may not come as a surprise, but this is one of the Kiss albums I never got to hear back during my Kiss period (ages 6-8). Gene Simmons all but rips the legs off of Jiminy Cricket by trying to reach several notes and not even coming close. The result is Disney as interpreted by Ricky, the Muppet with the least vocal dexterity.
Gene Simmons has its moments. "See You Tonight" is a simple, mid-tempo pop song that you'd never think he could pull off. "Man of 1,000 Faces" has some neat experimental touches like orchestral jabs that become commonplace in the '80s. Overall, not a bad release, but hardly essential.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Plainly States: Gene's avant garde masterwork. Did you know Gene Simmons was a dada inspired visionary? Did you know his creative ambition burned brighter than the fire he spit? Well it did. And here is the pudding with free KISS proof inside. He tried to get the Beatles to reunite to sing on here, but they refused. Missed opportunity. Gene was once a scared Israeli immigrant little boy. With a boundless imagination and sense of wonder. This is that boy’s soundtrack.
***
Kiss
Ace Frehley
Rating: 8.5

Who would have guessed that our boy Ace would have had the best solo album of the bunch? (Well, we sure as shit knew it wasn't going to be Peter Criss.) The George Harrison of Kiss had only done lead duties on one song ("Shock Me" from Love Gun) so it figures that eventually, he was going to combust with some songs he'd been writing out of the limelight. Frehley assembled a group of studio musicians -- including drummer Anton Fig and bassist Will Lee, future members of the World's Most Dangerous Band -- and banged out a melange of riff rock, power pop, and just a little bit of soul.

Frehley and co-producer Eddie Kramer deliver the whole she-bang with a fistful of sonic straightup hurled right at the ol' breadbasket. Over half of the songs on here sound better than the overplayed classic rock and the current slew of bands who just haven't figured out how to rock. (That's right, Matchbox 20. I'm talking to you. Meet me back in the alley for an asskicking, and leave your friends Tonic and Third Eye Blind at home.) Sure, some of the lyrics aren't going to win any gold stars here
(I especially liked how every line in "Ozone" ended
with 'high,' 'guy,' 'fly,' 'try,' etc.) and the cover of "New York Groove" gets old fast.

That aside, I'm still left wondering how the guy who did this album could have tanked so hard with Frehley's Comet. Forgive the cliches, but it rocks. Check it: you've got "What's On Your Mind," a high octane model of 100% Peter Frampton, the snarling "Snow Blind," and the closing instrumental "Fractured Mirror," just to name three. So, to play off a familiar saying, if you only buy one of the Kiss solo albums...
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: Yeah! Ace had a soul! Ace fucking rocked! Ace is the only fucking one with talent! Ace is fucking rock n roll! He killed on Tim Snyder! Fucking yeah, ACE! If you cant figure it out, this album is a deserved classic. Ace really did something special. Ok?
***

Kiss
Peter Criss
Rating: 0.0

"Writing about music is like dancing to architecture."
-paraphrase of a quote oft attributed to Elvis Costello
Whenever I see that line pop up in a review, I think the same thing: "Too fucking lazy to think of anything to say." (And how come this sentence only seems to be popping up in every 20th review I read? Either we're too high to think or that higher intelligence shit is becoming good friends with our other disappearing pal Civility. Anyhow...) What if some architects started up a radio station? Would they thereby teach us a new way of dancing, and will Peter Criss' solo album be the soundtrack?
Um, no.
Come on, did you really think so? Yeah, Ringo has "Octopus' Garden," but Criss had "Beth." Okay. That's your solo project in a nutshell. Alas, since each member of Kiss had to release a solo album, it came to be that Peter Criss had to poop one out.
I really take the bullet for you people sometimes. Fuckin' A, have you heard this thing? The song "You Matter to Me" is Peter's subliminal disco pipeline into cocaine- fueled shit songwriting, and it's one of the many songs that Criss didn't write. While he did co-write half of the songs, it took more people to yank out the carburetor and pour sugar into this solo vehicle. Michael Morgan, Sean Delaney, and John Vastano are just some of the many fantastic contributors that, thanks to this album, will be forever known to the collective masses as "Who?"
As the years go by, albums come, albums go, and once in a while they blow. And the wind cries Peter.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: Wow, what a piece of crap! Fucking dreadful. There’s a song on here called “That’s The KInda Sugar Daddy Likes” which is literally worse than anything Joey Fatone ever recorded. Its disgusting and pathetic. That being said, Peter totally fucking rules. "BETH"!
***
Kiss
Paul Stanley
Rating: 2.0

A precursor to the even more disappointing Kiss release Dynasty, Paul Stanley is of major historical significance to the Kiss catalog as it marks the beginning of the end. He commits a grevious error (although not as bad as that of Peter Criss) by making an album that sounds like... bad Kiss. Bad move.
You know, I remember a guy named Paul Stanley. The Paul Stanley that wrote such great rock songs as "Black Diamond", "Firehouse," "Room Service" and "Hotter Than Hell." Buy that guy and his entire table a round. But if I only knew him as the guy that wrote "Wouldn't You Like to Know Me?" and "Tonight You Belong to Me," I'd poop in his fishtank and flush the goldfish down the toilet. That's right, I'd give him the dreaded Shitfish. Now you know how, too. Remember that the next time you go over to Paul Stanley's house to borrow the weed wacker.
...But you know, if nothing else, at least "It's Alright" rocks.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: Paul Stanley deserves the shitfish more than any other man alive. But not for this. Why not for playing Phanton Of The Opera? Or his we love America speeches? Or for his ridiculous wig? Or for (ahem) getting something off his chest? Or I know, I know for every single fucking song he's written since 1983??? This album? Pretty good.
***
Kiss
Dynasty
Rating: 2.0
We've come to the part in their career when Kiss are now starting to suck. Aside from becoming the most over marketed band of the 1970s, the costumed champs of the mainstream lose their toehold on good old fashioned rock and roll. It can all be summed up in the first track and their last major hit single, "I Was Made for Loving You." This song hasn't aged well at all, but it's interesting because it sounds like both 1979 and 1983, and that's 1983 as in ZZ Top's Eliminator. I don't know about you, but this song reminds me of "Legs," which at least sported a cool video. Alas, the only other tricks up Kiss' sleeves were to roll out a Rolling Stones cover (yawn) and dump the "I don't care anymore" guy Peter Criss. His replacement? Anton Fig from the Letterman Show. Still, Criss appears on the cover and Fig's name is nowhere to be found on the product. At least he got out of the mess okay. For Kiss, this was the beginning of a 17 year downslide (1992's Domino aside.)
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Mary Sex: Well I couldnt disagree more! I love this album. In my heart when Im alone this could be my favorite Kiss album. A late night ride when the rockin is over. In the summer witht he top down. When the coke has dripped down my throat. When my dick is sore and I dropped the girl off. Her name doesnt matter, it never matters. This is private reflective alone music. But like reflective like too tired to think, hey look at that burger king kinda reflective. Ace, by far my favorite member of Kiss covers my favorite ever Rolling Stones song off my favorite Stones album (2000 Man from Satanic Majesties Request album). You Sure Know Something is on this album. Perfect song, you know? Paul sings "You showed me things they never taught in school" with a straight face. I love him for it. Yeah, the Dynasty was basically over after this album. But this is the perfect way for it to end. Kiss at the end of the night. It's going to be a hell of a hangover. I still miss my kiss.
***
Kiss
Unmasked
Rating: 0.8
Dear Kiss,
As a fan growing up, I never owned this album. I didn't know how bad it was and, sadly, I wish I could have remained in those gorgeous shadows for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I listened to Unmasked and became a much sadder man for the experience.
Why so bad? Well, bringing Vini Poncia (producer of Dynasty) back for another go-round wasn't so bright. Maybe he was an out of work in-law. Sure, you get him a gig as a roadie and you keep him away from the console. But no, this clown had to have a finger in the pie and together you created the single nobody bought, "Shandi."
When this first stumbled out of my speakers, I began to wonder why I was listening to a hit for the next Journey reunion in 2006. The whole album suffers from the same coating of pop and begins to feel less like Kiss and more an more like a car full of guys who won't pull over and ask for directions back to rock and roll.
Yours truly,
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sez: "Shandi" is an oily ABBA masterpiece. The rest of the album sucks the ever present monks, but hey Shandi! Good stuff. Oh, Ace wrote a bunch of songs on here and theyre super fuckin good. Ace had a soul unlike Paul & Gene. And I think Vince Porsche gets a raw deal. This album ahs a song called “She’s So European”, god what a piece of shit. Gene & Paul have no soul. Theyre evil. This album could have been as good as Dynasty, but they fucked it up. Ace and Vinny are the only good things on it. Great album cover, though.
***
Kiss
Music From "The Elder"
Rating: 0.0

If this album wasn't the inspiration for Spinal Tap's "Stonehenge," I don't know what was. Grasping at straws, Kiss rehired Destroyer producer Bob Ezrin and wanted him to help crank out the hits. Ah, but the band was living in the age of early '80s metal, and the man at the soundboard was not only the same man who produced the most "far out" of the Kiss albums, but whose last project was Pink Floyd's The Wall. Ezrin made the boneheaded suggestion of ditching their new rock tunes and instead recording a concept album about a young hero's quest to slay an elf, or something to that effect.
Of course, the end product is the absolute nadir of Kiss' existance. I know, you all think albums like Anamalyze or Hot In The Shade qualify, but no. Those records were Kiss going with the flow of crap music. With The Elder, they pushed crap in a new and scary direction. Oddly enough, three of the songs were co-written by Lou Reed and they still sound as anonymous as the others. What a horrible, horrible, horrible album.
-Jason Josephes

Mystery Marv Sex: Fantastic album. I got a total awesome handjob to this one. Lou Reed wrote lyrics in 5 minutes for this album! Gene cried in the video and his make-up didnt run. Ok, maybe this album is worthless. I dont fucking know. Alls i kno is Lou playkjarized himself for his World Without Heroes lyrics. He was a recovering alcoholic, he prolly didnt even know he was wripping himself off. I love this album. I love Paul's purple headband. I love Gene’s weird ass haircut. Bob Ezra really sucked on this one. This album is terrible, but really bold. BOLD!
***
Kiss
Creatures of the Night
Rating: 1.5

With both Eric Carr (drums) and Vinnie Vincent (the departed Ace Frehley's replacement) secured, Kiss decided "Fuck it. Let's make it loud." Indeed, this album is quite loud, and not exactly in a good way. Sadly, this was the end of Kiss as we knew them, and by that, I mean the make up came off after this one. But what do you expect when you cowrite a couple of songs with none other than a pre- "Summer of '69" Bryan Adams (including the one that foretold his entire career, "Rock and Roll Hell.") Better than The Elder, still nowhere near as good as an anonymous handjob on the bus.
-Jason Josephes

Mysterious Marz Sex: Whoa Jason was huffing the dongs on this one. Dont believe him! Creatures is a whirlwind of hellacious rock and roll fuck you! War Machine, I Love It Loud, and the title track are fucking amazing. Ace is on the cover but not on the album. God this fucking album rocks the fuck out. How did they do this without Ace? How did professional dipshit Vinnie "BOYZ R GONNA ROCK" Vincent write riffs this great????? Oh Eric Carr is the drummer here, and he totally slays. Kiss sure sounds good with a decent drummer. Oh, hey this is it. No more make-up. No more Ace & Peter (till 96 anyway). No more magic. From here it was naked cash grabbing and hair metal hell. Oh well, they had a hell of a run. I lost my septum and my soul. But hey I gained 20 lbs and credit card debt!
“It’s our form of salute…we say ‘hello’, and they say ‘hello’”- General Gene! 1987

how could you not love this face?

he may be a douche, but he's my favorite little douche in the world. his name is jackson by the way.

you know nothing about opera!

i have no idea who these two women are, but this is just too good to not post.

Caligula

I posted this on MySpace, but I'll repost it here. It's not very important, but I know you'll empathize.

My family had to have our dog Callie put to sleep this morning.

I am not a fan of dogs, but I loved this one. She acted like a cat. She would lie around and lick herself all day. She was extremely good natured, and yet she had enough psycho tendencies to fit right into our home. We got her when I was 13 or 14, after my mom had sworn off pets forever. She originally belonged to my aunt Barbara's mother, and I don't know all of the circumstances in the decision making...but I'm sure Barbara was very persuasive. Mom would get mad when I'd call her Caligula.

Callie got older, as all things do. She started developing weird moles and sores, and eventually you could see the cataracts growing over her eyes. She would run into legs, furniture, walls; she was tormented by Sam, the demon kitty (who I still love), until her final day. But she was still affectionate, even as her dependence on Mom and Mamaw increased due to her disabilities.

I knew this would be coming, and I've even tried to convince Mom in recent months that putting her out of her misery would be for the best. She seemed relatively healthy when I visited in September, all things considered, and I didn't expect her to be gone so soon. She had a good life, a peaceful death, and a cozy plot in the backyard in which her body will deteriorate.

She was a good dog. She will be missed.

And now I know for certain that I'm never getting my cat back. But Mom and Mamaw need Sam more than I do right now, so it's okay.