Tuesday, April 29, 2014

THE SEVEN ETERNAL CIRCLES OF BOB DYLAN!

I, Richard Matthew Michael Joseph Millett IV have created the ultimate, final, and above all else, perfect ranking of Bob Dylan's oeuvre.  I truly channeled my inner Christgau.  This is it.  The ultimate argument ender.  I ask you to bask in the warmth of my creation.

FIRST TIER: PERFECTION AS SMOOTH AS A RHAPSODY
1- Blonde On Blonde- Masterpiece
1a- Blood On The Tracks- Masterpiece
2- Highway 61 Revisited- Masterpiece
3- John Wesley Harding- Masterpiece

SECOND TIER: UNFUCKWITHABLE GREATNESS FOR THE AGES
4- Tempest- Goddamn Genius
5- Desire- Perfect
6- Bringing It All Back Home- Perfect
7- Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Live 1966, "Royal Albert Hall" Concert- Perfect- but why stop here?
8- “Love and Theft”- Near Perfect
9- Another Side Of Bob Dylan- Perfect
10- The Times They Are a-Changin’- Perfect
11- World Gone Wrong- Perfect
12- The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan- Near Perfect
13- Time Out Of Mind- Near Perfect
14- Modern Times- Near Perfect
15- Hard Rain- Those ducklings couldn't see the swan was beautiful
16- Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964- Suspension of disbelief
17- Oh Mercy- Near Perfect, shame about Disease Of Conceit

THIRD TIER: U STILL CAN'T TOUCH THIS
18- Bootleg Series Vol. 6: Live 1964, Concert at Philharmonic Hall- Mask-erading
19- Bootleg Series Volumes 1–3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961–1991- A comma not a period
20- Street Legal- Startling, Strange, Suffocating
21- New Morning- Placid, Peaceful, Pleasant
22- Together Through Life- BYOB
23- Infidels- Coulda been a contender
24- Planet Waves- Looking back with awe
25- In Concert - Brandeis University 1963- Tougher than nails
26- Biograph- A true musical joyride
27- Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II- The Chronicles of its time
28- Bootleg Series Vol. 5: Live 1975, Rolling Thunder Revue- 15 discs too short.  Bootlegs ahoy!
29- Before the Flood- The eternal battle of good vs. evil
30- Bootleg Series Vol. 8: Tell Tale Signs: Rare/Unreleased 1989–2006- Studying the stetson
31- Good As I Been To You- Saturdays
32- Slow Train Coming- Sundays
33- Shot Of Love- Monday

FOURTH TIER: U COULD CERTAINLY DO WORSE
34- Bob Dylan- Wheat vs. chafe
35- Nashville Skyline- Mint juleps vs. Michelob
36- Empire Burlesque- Nice cloth vs. bad tailoring
37- The Bootleg Series Vol. 10: Another Self Portrait (1969–1971)- Charmed, I'm sure
38- Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid- Ennio Eno
39- 'The Copyright Extension Collection Vol. I'- The truth shall set you free
40- Bootleg Series Vol. 7: No Direction Home: The Soundtrack- This store is sorta cool

FIFTH TIER: ...AND YOU SAY YOUR NAME IS WEBERMAN?
41- Live at the Gaslight 1962- Bootlegs are better
42- Live at Carnegie Hall 1963- Bootlegs are better revisited
43- Live 1961–2000: Thirty-Nine Years of Great Concert Performances- Remember this one?
44- Masterpieces- Still necessary after all these years
45- Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1 (1988)- The Liquid lunch
46- Traveling Wilburys Vol. 3 (1990)- The Afternoon Crash
47- Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits- It's been done

SIXTH TIER: TOO MUCH MIXED UP CONFUSION
48- Self Portrait- Shit can come out green?
49- Christmas in the Heart- Battery acid Bing
50- The Basement Tapes- Fuck this, find the bootlegs
51- Real Live- Um, technically
52- Under The Red Sky- Lite'n'lively'n'scowling
53- MTV Unplugged- I thought that sign read "apple sauce"!
54- Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3- Grizzled, chained, drained, and gated (drums)
55- Bob Dylan at Budokan- Diamond Dylan.  As in Neil.
56- 30th Anniversary Concert Celebration- Bob Bored.  Sinead Booed.  Wood Not Good.

SEVENTH TIER: ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE
57- Down In The Groove- Gets it over with
58- Saved- Doomed
59- Knocked Out Loaded- Martland's Syndrome
60- The Essential Bob Dylan- Talkin' 60's Fixation Blues
61- Dylan- What about Bob?
62- Blues- Biege
63- Dylan & the Dead- Horse shit vs. Dog shit

SPECIAL HONORARY MENTION PART ONE!
64- The Complete Album Collection Vol. 1- How the heck do you rank this thing?

DOUBLE SPECIAL HONORARY MENTION PART TWO!!
Seriously, no fucking about, go find the Tree With Roots bootleg, it covers all 100+ recordings from the "Basement Tapes", and if this were an official release it would probably be stealing the top spot.  Yes, it's that good.

TRIPLE SPECIAL HONORARY MENTION PART THREE!!!
Bob really mangled what could have been three masterpieces- Shot Of Love, Infidels, and Oh Mercy.  Advanced studies of the bootlegs are strongly suggested.

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